When you become a mom, apparently you get bridled with a ton of guilt. Do I work? Do I stay home? Do I breastfeed? Do I spank? The list goes on and on...
I'm a pretty self-confident person. In general, I don't pay that much attention to what other people are doing (I'd imagine sometimes this comes across as self-absorbed), but really I'm all about everyone minding their own business. That's another story.
Before kids I don't really remember feeling guilty about things. Of course, I've done and said things that I regret. I just don't remember guilt. I would usually blow it off, apologize or whatever and move on.
Along came the kids and that changed drastically. The idea that I'm responsible for shaping the lives of two human beings is monumental. I do the best I can, with God's guidance. But, I'm always thinking 'How is this going to affect them down the road?'
Yesterday, MC finished preschool. They were having Splash Day and I was just too thrilled to have my last "free" day. When he heard that we would all be going to JB's Field Day, he was disappointed that no one was coming to his day. He all but begged me to come and visit. Did I want to? NO! But, I didn't want him to feel like leftover lasagna...so I went. I only dropped in for a few minutes, but he was delighted.
Today was JB's Field Day. Not only did I label and transport water bottles for the class. We spent the afternoon in the sweltering heat watching the fun and games. Did I want to? NO! But he had such fun with us all being there.
I just don't want to give my kids any reasons to sit on the shrink's couch. At the same time, I know I've got to get over this a bit or else they're going to play some serious mind games with me as they get older! Why is it that some people don't have this guilt? They just truck right along and seem unaffected?
**By no means am I suggesting that I always get it right...hence the guilt!